May 26, 1997

May 26, 1997

"And you say each life has it's place..."

What's On My Mind...

So...We have a new look for this thing. I bean thinking bout how to redo the page now that I have a better tool (and a faster one) to create with. I'm debatin whether to continue to use these obnoxious buttons for each para. Could get mighty old yeppers.

C went to a meeting tonight and seemed to have a good time or at least not a bad one. I think she got something out of it. I hope she got something out of it. It would be such a drag to think she was going only for show. Or just for my benefit. Which would be worse since she has written us off. For show for a relationship she doesn't believe it anymore and for someone she doesn't care for anymore. That would be a horrible compulsion to be driven by. I really hope that isn't it. Course I could ask her but wouldn't get a true answer. Or an answer at all.

I watched this thing on Frank Lloyd Wright on "America's Castles" tonight and it was really very good. They did a good job on his life and work. Not really emphasizing Falling Water or the Johnson Wax building, but his homes. How his technique and style throughout his life translated into how built his homes. Materials used, styles, transitional techniques, and some history on what happened at the homes. He really had quite the troubled life. He left his family and wife, his first lover was killed along with ohthers in the house (his children too I think), the house was gutted after the killings by the killer and a subsequent fire (both at Taliesin). After theat show there was a show on Dogs. A really excellent production on their ancestry and their adaptation to living with humans. There was an excellent exploration of domesticity and how long it might have taken to have a wolf (the dogs true ancestor) to domesticated animal. An experiment with Silver Foxes shows that animals can be domesticated within 20 to 30 years. One of the really neat things was the changes that occurred in the animals as a result of domestication. Domestication is really just a permanent setting of the juvenile state in the animal. What happened with the foxes is that over time, the foxes retained the juvenile markings of adolescent foxes, hair color became erratic and tail length became unpredictable. By changing the environment and social forces, the animals genetics were affected. This was not explored as completely (and not really at all) by the film but is really interesting in it's implications for human adaptation.

If humans started out as one species (which of course is the case), but in a wild state (which of course is the case), then not only was random genetics in operation but the domestication of homo sapiens also brought about changes in physiognomy as well. As Spock would say ... "Fascinating!".

Whats New

Obviously the look is new and the layout is somewhat new. I think I will have a what's new section for a while and see if I can put anything in it on a regular basis. Maybe I'll just put new things in it (what a concept) and write about myself in the other section. It may not always be interesting, or intelligable or even coherent but it will be my new News.

The other new thing as I wrote yesterday is my imminent bachlerhood. I have enjoyed being with C, and to be honest I am a real homebody Cancer. I like to be home hanging out with my spouse, S.O., whatever name you wish to use. I like having a nest to come back to and enjoy the domestic routine. This phase of pre-move is very uncomfortable. It's like living with someone you don't like very much or who doesn't like you very much (which might be the case). Even through the worst of this episode, my mood has been good. I've been taking my meds and keeping up with what I'm thinking and feeling and have protected my recovery from depression. This is healthy living. I am proud of myself and although this is very painful and I know that C doesn't see it my way, I know it is best for us both. If you have an opinion about this, keep it to yourself. I don't want to hear from people who don't know me or C and think that they know best about what I should or shouldn't do. Go get on Oprah if you have the answers to human relationships. I could care less what you think.

Got the Indigo Girls on. Why is that New? Cause I haven't listened to them for a while. Got R.I.P. "Virginia Woolf" on and it's great. I love The Girls. Who else can always have a message that you can apply to your current situation no matter what that might be? I used to listen to them to feed my depression and to try to get some insight into myself. I'm listening to them with no intention but they are upbeat to me now. Go figure.

Just looked at the watch in front of me. It is an automatic and is not wound. It also happens to be telling the correct time for right now. How often can that happen just at the time you look at it? Only once in 24 hours you say? How about less than that given the frequency with which a stopped watch is looked at? Which is not at all??? The world moves strangely.

Be Joyous!

Drew

<Coffee and a ML....still....>

"Did you hear me say...."

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